Standing at the edge of a memory, it’s easy to believe that the past is still attainable. It’s easy to think that with everything I’ve learned since, I could just step back into the past, into your life and fix everything I broke and offer everything I never could.
This isn’t what you tell me, but I think it’s what you’re trying to say. You never did talk to me much, even though I’m the one that’s supposed to be shy. You tell me you made a mistake, as though that is enough. As if that can undo your mistake and all the ones that happened as a consequence. Sometimes, I wish it could. I’ve waited a long time to hear you say that. And all the times that you didn’t, pushed me a little bit further in the right direction.
I would like to say yes to you right now. Hide away here in your house to avoid my own, abandon school in pursuit of you (because when have I ever really had you for my own?). I would like to go back and change the past. I can do things better this time around - I’ve changed more than either of us could have imagined. The trouble is, you haven’t.
You know my side of the story. I’ve told you over and over. This is your
side. This is what you should be saying to yourself, if only you could. Sometimes I wonder if you’re crazier than I am, if you need saving more than I do, because at least I let my emotions out, even if I never do let them go.
I wish I could have saved you.
Logic announces that even if true love does exist, I was too young to experience it. Past experience tells us that you didn’t really ever understand anything I tried to explain. You still don’t. A lot of things haven’t changed. The fact that you’re sorry only changes a little.
Being sorry doesn’t undo the past. Knowing you made a mistake doesn’t excuse your actions (the same goes for me too). Missing me doesn’t mean you truly want me back (remember how I tied you down? Remember how I asked you questions you didn’t want to think about the answer to? Remember any times when I wasn’t
But all those things do
make the past a little easier to deal with.[for a prompt at excuse_me___]